It's one o'clock in the a.m., and I can't sleep. So, naturally...I write.
Lately, I have been frustrated. Mainly about how I've heard a personal relationship with Christ should look: wake up at 4am, drink coffee, write in your prayer journal, post a picture of it on Instagram, and repeat...
Wait, if you do those things, I AM NOT JUDGING YOU. How could I? If that is what your relationship with our Lord looks like, then you are a rockstar. Because you are doing life with Jesus in a way that glorifies Him and engages your spirit.
But. That's. Not. What. My. Relationship. With. The. Lord. Looks. Like.
Actually, that's a lie. Sometimes, when I'm really lucky, that is exactly what my relationship with my God looks like. But not everyday, and certainly not methodically. That's just not where I'm at. And it has taken me so long to figure that out! I can't tell you how many times that I have tried it in a structured way, only to have it not work out and then I feel like a complete failure or somehow less than my brothers and sisters who do life with God this way.
A glimpse?
The sun brightens my bedroom, peeking through my curtains and I can hear the birds singing their morning song. I roll over in bed, plucking my phone from the charger. "8:00 a.m.," I think to myself, "What day is it?" As I stretch and make my way to brush the fur from my teeth, I greet the Lord, "Mrrmmph."
Making my way to the kitchen, I wonder what the day will hold. I'm silently asking the Lord to do what He wants and thanking Him for grace already when I inevitably will get in His way, today. I put the kettle on for my decaffeinated green tea and fill a glass of water to take my supplements. My eyes are less blurry now, and I can see the dishes in the sink that I left from last night.
I begin to rinse them and put them in the dishwasher as I think of my kids, still sleeping, and my husband who has already been working for several hours. Thanking God for these blessings, I hear the kettle begin to whistle. I quickly lift the spout, so as not to awaken the boys before I can steal a moment of quiet time with the Lord. The tea steeps as I finish the dishes. A bit of honey, a quick stir and I make my way to my favorite chair.
By now, it is usually 8:15 and I know there won't be a lot of time before the boys are begging for breakfast. "I should really wake up earlier," I think, knowing that when I have tried, it has always been the same: the boys wake earlier and I get just the same amount of time to myself. Shrugging, I grab my phone to read Streams in the Desert, musing to myself how sometimes it really does feel like little streams here and there.
Almost always, the words of this nearly hundred year-old devotional book speak straight to my spirit. I'm in awe of how sanctification and refinement are so transcendental and I tell God so. I spend a few moments in prayer thanking Him for words that are so personal.
Beside me on the table, there are five bibles and a notebook. Sometimes I write, sometimes I read through old things I have written. Each of the bibles are a different translation. I like variety. Choosing one at random, I flip through to the bible references for that day's devotion. Sometimes I read the Proverb and Psalm of the day. Sometimes I sit and think about what I have read.
A thump and a knock and I know that the boys are awake. I pull myself away from my thoughts and my prayers and my day is swept away. Pj's off and play clothes on (sometimes), breakfast, clean up after breakfast, put on a show for the kids as I check the social networks, put on a load of laundry while I pray for a friend who posted a need, referee when one of the boys won't share, praying for strength not to lose it, learning time with the boys and praying for wisdom to teach them, send them outside to play while I plan/prepare lunch, they come in and go out at least a dozen times needing water, toys, love...during this time, my voice has warmed some and I spend the moments where I am not answering questions and providing direction (correction?) singing my favorite praise songs to the Lord.
Lunch, a little more play time, get them to pick up toys and it's off to nap (quiet time) for the boys. Again, I sit and scroll through facebook, reading articles and blogs that make me think--sometimes sending me to the Word and prayer all over again. Sometimes I just read things that make me laugh.
Sometimes Husband arrives home soon after I have put the boys down, so I visit with him and listen to his day instead of having quiet time, myself. Often, he will sense my need for solitude and go do his thing for awhile. Before I know it, the time is up and it's time to think about cooking dinner, finishing the laundry, actually feeding everyone, cleaning them, cleaning the kitchen, bathtime, cuddle time, pj time, brush teeth, story, prayers and bed. Singing all the while...sometimes the boys dance with me in the kitchen.
At this point, Husband and I pretend to be adults, watching a show on tv or comparing funny stories while we scroll through facebook. He is worn from manual labor, I am worn from the neverending activity of raising (read: keeping alive) two very energetic and strong-willed boys. We do our best to love on one another a bit, then he is off to bed at 10.
Usually, I am awake another hour or two (well I DID sleep til 8). During this time, I read...fiction, non-fiction...engaging my imagination as I rest my aching body. As I fall asleep, there is a prayer on my lips, of thanks, of ideas, of bequest.
I dream in parables a lot. Startlingly vivid and imaginative words from the Lord. I wake at 2 or 3 in the morning to record things down. Sometimes it takes me quite awhile to get back to sleep. So I pray...
I have tried to sleep earlier and rise earlier, and both times I really gave it a good few weeks' try...I ended up quite ill. Deep inside, I knew that I needed to do what was best for my health in every aspect.
And wouldn't you know...in all of the busy-ness of my day, I don't feel as though I have neglected my relationship with the Lord, at all. I talk to Him constantly. Often out loud and I know sometimes I sound a little crazy. He speaks to me through the Word, through my discipline/teaching/correcting the boys, through songs and through His beautiful creation.
This season of life has taught me a lot about what it really means to be still and know that He is God. For me, it's not trying to plug myself into some formula of inputting certain things to receive certain things. For me, it's about knowing that those certain things are already mine because of Jesus. And I'm doing my best to be willing and available to both receive and extend those things in my daily life.
You know what? One day I actually do want to be an early-riser. I want to wake with the sun and enjoy a sunset. I want to spend hours at a time, exploring the depths of the Word uninterrupted like I used to. And one day I think I will get to do those things. I'll be healthy! I'll have the presence of mind to write down each beautiful nugget of truth or wisdom that the Lord brings me (in the same notebook, for the love of God!).
For now...I have random notes written in about 20 notebooks and at least 10 bibles. I have typed notes on a computer, a laptop and even quick notes on my phone. There are even a few recorded verbal notes that I have saved. I have this blog that keeps me (somewhat) sane.
Why am I writing all of this? Mainly so that one day when I'm feeling less-than or inadequate in my relationship with the Lord because of something some person or some tweet told me, I will come back here and read this and remember to go to the Source. If He desires more from me (doesn't He always?!?!), I want to know it and He knows that...I'll sense it, and yes...God's people will confirm it, but ultimately I know my Shepherd's voice well enough to follow where HE leads me on this journey.
And for now...that is enough.
14.3.13
11.2.13
That Awkward Moment When...
The older I get, the more I am beginning to understand that we all have our little quirks. We all feel a little silly sometimes. We all feel a little awkward.
Maybe it's not your everyday circumstance (as you will soon see it is for me), but you know what I mean. Walking on the right side of the mall, when the store you want to get to is on your left...you end up passing the store, because people are in your way...then you check out something in a kiosk just so you don't look silly doubling back. No? Maybe it's just me.
That awkward moment when:
-Adding cinnamon to taco meat instead of cumin? Then feeding your in-laws?
-Forgetting your eye make-up on only one eye?
-Walking around with your zipper down?
-Trying to hug someone but your faces keep turning the same direction, so it looks like you're trying to steal a smooch?
-Saying, "What?" for the third time and realizing you will never know what they just said?
-Answering "That's awesome!" when you didn't hear and realizing they just told you that their grandma died?
-Asking about someone's grandkid only to find out it's their kid?
-Trying to reach something on the top shelf at the supermarket and ending up waiting for the next person to walk by so you can get a hand?
-Walking down the street with a theme song in your head ("Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk...") when all of a sudden out of nowhere jumps this giant shadow that trips you and you end up rolling your ankle?
-Standing still doing absolutely nothing and falling over?
Ok, so some of those examples might have been a little extreme for you. But for me, these are pretty much everyday occurences. Except the cooking, maybe...I'm actually ok at that.
Awkward. I have felt this way pretty much my whole life. There are situations where I feel more awkward or less awkward, but it's pretty much always there. As I said earlier, we all have our quirks and I'm learning not to focus on mine so much, but there are still plenty of times that I find myself wanting to find a cave and live there forever with my little cave drawings and maybe Peeta.
Avoiding situations that might turn awkward sounds safe and easy, but this has only caused me to feel even more awkward when I find myself in that place, once again.
I've always been one of those people with their head in the clouds. Imagining things, analyzing, questioning...curious about the smallest details, only to miss the giant car I just walked into. Actually, I've never broken anything bigger than my pinky toe (knock on wood), but I am almost always sporting a dozen or so bruises.
Well, one day as I was walking and just about to fall into a random giant crevice in the earth, I began thinking that maybe seeing myself as awkward wasn't helping things. It seemed the more awkward I felt, the more awkward I was. As I prayed, I asked God how exactly I was supposed to get off that crazy cycle.
A bible verse came to mind:
"For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." -Proverbs 23:7
This verse is a little tricky, because you could easily take this and add a little worldly spin on it and say, "Mind over matter, Pip!", but I don't think that is the point. I can think all day long that I am a rockstar. That's never going to make me a rockstar to anyone but my mom (hi, mom!).
What God revealed to me about this verse is that instead of fretting over my awkwardness, I needed to read, hear, know, believe and accept who He says I am. Well, that's easy! Grumpy cat says...NO.
This is a journey. A mission. An assignment that will get easi-ER, but will never be finished. I have to literally arrest every thought that could potentially bind me up again in my awkwardly awkward state of awkwardness and dispose of it. Then, I must replace that lie with one of God's truths. Every. Single. Time.
I'm lucky though. And so are you, really. We have the Holy Spirit who Himself is a little quirky (what? it's true). At just the right moment, He brings stuff to my memory (like the bible verse above) that I haven't heard or been taught in years. As I turn the pages in my bible, it falls to just the right truth. As I scroll through facebook, He has prompted one of my similarly awkward friends to share just the right word for me.
So, I'm on this journey. It has been challenging to say the least. Especially when situations like the ones I listed above continue to occur in my life. Only instead of hiding in a cave, I am facing down the whispers of dark lies in my head that inevitably follow one of these moments and I am shining the light of God's truth right in their stupid, ugly faces. Because I'm sure that's what Jesus would do.
Why does it matter whether I'm awkward or not, or even whether I see myself this way or not? Because I have to do life on this planet with more than just Peeta. I need to be willing and able to communicate and connect effectively with others so that I can help lead and reconnect them with our Father.
I'm praying and thinking about continuing this blog later with some of the words that God has helped me replace the word "awkward" with. I always appreciate prayers on my journey and please let me know if there is any way I can pray for you.
Love,
Liz
11.1.13
Wounded
I am an aerobic sleeper.
Yes, even though I tend to hate all things "aerobic", it seems that in my sleep my body rebels against me and chooses to operate in the ways of the ninja. I kick sometimes, I steal covers often, and every now and then I find myself with a Wound Of Unknown Origin. Has this ever happened to you?
Usually I won't discover said wound until I am engaged in activity that causes me to use the part of me that has been affected. I'll be washing dishes (in the kitchen where I belong, of course) or doing laundry (but only until I return to the kitchen) and suddenly...OUCH! "What IS this devil of a pain in my elbow?" I exclaim, as my hand raises to cover it.
I quickly move to the restroom, where I can examine this most awkward piece of my anatomy more thoroughly. "Well, what do you know?" I say to myself. "I must have done that while I was sleeping."
Unfortunately, too often this is how I discover my emotional wounds as well.
I'll be going along, in my day to day life, just doing my thing and then OUCH! What the heck was that all about? Something has probed a wound. Immediately, a hand goes up to cover it and keep THAT from happening again. Occasionally, I'll pause to examine it, but most of the time I will just limp along...making sure that this particular pain is avoided at all cost.
Self protection. Defense mechanisms. We have each dealt with at least one, some cases much milder than others, of course. Some of us are so skilled in the act of covering wounds that we have forgotten they were even there to begin with.
Recently, the Lord revealed a wound to me in this manner. I wish I could say that I responded with grace and humility, curiously allowing the wound to be examined as God sought to deal with it.
I did not.
I lashed out at the Instrument that touched my pain and then quickly sought to cover my mangled mess.
Do you have children? They are the most fearless things, aren't they? Climbing to tops of the highest pieces of furniture or playground equipment and then promptly plunging to ground. However, get them into a chair with the threat of cleansing a wound and they then turn into screaming and terrified little animals. I wonder what they're thinking, sometimes:
"What is this hydrogen peroxide you speak of? That sounds suspicious. No way is that pain doing me any good. OUCH!!!!!! You crazy, sadistic, horrible woman! I can't believe you're doing this to me! Whyyyyyy?!?!?! ...Oo! A bandaid. That's better!" (If you read that in Stewie's voice, you're still with me.)
So, this is pretty much what I've been experiencing. Except the cleansing part isn't over, yet.
Once the wound was discovered, I limped home and quickly moved through several steps of grief:
Denial. What wound? I don't see a wound. Oh, you mean that gaping hole in my leg? It's just a flesh wound!
Blame. Probably the Instrument that touched it did it. Yeah, I mean...who says it was even there before that?
Anger. I can't believe I have to even deal with this right now, God! What the heck. I have a race to run!
Depression. Why are You even letting this happen, God? Just take me now and end this horrible pain!
Yesterday, as I moved through these feelings, I begged God for a bandage.
But my Father is much too loving and merciful to do that. This morning He reminded me that a wound must be completely purified before it will begin to heal. Do I want it to fester and become infected? No, of course not. Do I want to get my hands in His way and risk the chance of an ugly scar? No, of course not. Does it feel good in the meantime? No, of course not.
Instead of screaming and crying and throwing a fit about it, though, I imagine this will go a lot more smoothly if I humbly submit to this time of cleansing. Today, I am walking in acceptance that in order for God to be able to bind up my wounds, some purification has to happen first. But thankfully, as I look up into His eyes, they are full of love--His hands are gentle in healing. His words, comforting.
So, thank You, Father. Thank You for being a parent whose infinite wisdom sees beyond my present pain to my complete healing in this area. Thank You for the comfort of Your Word as I endure, and Thank You for the Instruments that You use to examine and reveal areas where I need Your healing hand. In the powerful, precious name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.
Yes, even though I tend to hate all things "aerobic", it seems that in my sleep my body rebels against me and chooses to operate in the ways of the ninja. I kick sometimes, I steal covers often, and every now and then I find myself with a Wound Of Unknown Origin. Has this ever happened to you?
Usually I won't discover said wound until I am engaged in activity that causes me to use the part of me that has been affected. I'll be washing dishes (in the kitchen where I belong, of course) or doing laundry (but only until I return to the kitchen) and suddenly...OUCH! "What IS this devil of a pain in my elbow?" I exclaim, as my hand raises to cover it.
I quickly move to the restroom, where I can examine this most awkward piece of my anatomy more thoroughly. "Well, what do you know?" I say to myself. "I must have done that while I was sleeping."
Unfortunately, too often this is how I discover my emotional wounds as well.
I'll be going along, in my day to day life, just doing my thing and then OUCH! What the heck was that all about? Something has probed a wound. Immediately, a hand goes up to cover it and keep THAT from happening again. Occasionally, I'll pause to examine it, but most of the time I will just limp along...making sure that this particular pain is avoided at all cost.
Self protection. Defense mechanisms. We have each dealt with at least one, some cases much milder than others, of course. Some of us are so skilled in the act of covering wounds that we have forgotten they were even there to begin with.
Recently, the Lord revealed a wound to me in this manner. I wish I could say that I responded with grace and humility, curiously allowing the wound to be examined as God sought to deal with it.
I did not.
I lashed out at the Instrument that touched my pain and then quickly sought to cover my mangled mess.
Do you have children? They are the most fearless things, aren't they? Climbing to tops of the highest pieces of furniture or playground equipment and then promptly plunging to ground. However, get them into a chair with the threat of cleansing a wound and they then turn into screaming and terrified little animals. I wonder what they're thinking, sometimes:
"What is this hydrogen peroxide you speak of? That sounds suspicious. No way is that pain doing me any good. OUCH!!!!!! You crazy, sadistic, horrible woman! I can't believe you're doing this to me! Whyyyyyy?!?!?! ...Oo! A bandaid. That's better!" (If you read that in Stewie's voice, you're still with me.)
So, this is pretty much what I've been experiencing. Except the cleansing part isn't over, yet.
Once the wound was discovered, I limped home and quickly moved through several steps of grief:
Denial. What wound? I don't see a wound. Oh, you mean that gaping hole in my leg? It's just a flesh wound!
Blame. Probably the Instrument that touched it did it. Yeah, I mean...who says it was even there before that?
Anger. I can't believe I have to even deal with this right now, God! What the heck. I have a race to run!
Depression. Why are You even letting this happen, God? Just take me now and end this horrible pain!
Yesterday, as I moved through these feelings, I begged God for a bandage.
But my Father is much too loving and merciful to do that. This morning He reminded me that a wound must be completely purified before it will begin to heal. Do I want it to fester and become infected? No, of course not. Do I want to get my hands in His way and risk the chance of an ugly scar? No, of course not. Does it feel good in the meantime? No, of course not.
Instead of screaming and crying and throwing a fit about it, though, I imagine this will go a lot more smoothly if I humbly submit to this time of cleansing. Today, I am walking in acceptance that in order for God to be able to bind up my wounds, some purification has to happen first. But thankfully, as I look up into His eyes, they are full of love--His hands are gentle in healing. His words, comforting.
So, thank You, Father. Thank You for being a parent whose infinite wisdom sees beyond my present pain to my complete healing in this area. Thank You for the comfort of Your Word as I endure, and Thank You for the Instruments that You use to examine and reveal areas where I need Your healing hand. In the powerful, precious name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.
2.1.13
Gratitude
It's a new year!!! Ok, ok...I know it has been for a couple of days now. You'll forgive me for that, though, since I'm sick, right? :)
Oh, yes. I have a cold. Not a big deal for most folks, but when you have been bordering on the edge of auto-immune disease for a few years, it is definitely a little bit bigger of a deal. Last time I had a cold, it quickly turned into a monstrous ordeal and by the end of it I was fighting not one, but two acute infections. One chance to beat it with antibiotics (which I HATE, but I had no choice) or they were threatening me with hospital time. Luckily, it worked and I kicked that cold. After 6 weeks...
Actually, luck had nothing to do with it. And that's kind of why I am sitting here babbling on and on.
And on.
So, this time that I have been under the weather, I cannot seem to shake the gratitude. That sounds funny, but here's a glimpse inside my brain the last day or so: (scared?)
Me: Ugh. I feel like mangled poo that's been refried in brussel sprout juice.
God: ...
Me: Sorry, God, that was a bit much, huh? I just wish I could feel better. I have things to do! Isn't that just such a glorious thing, God? I have things to do. I can do things. Like, the other day...I was sitting with Aidan and we were talking about his piano playing and he asked me to teach him more songs! I love that he wants me to help and that I can help. Thank you for blessing me with the ability to be here and do things and love people!
God: Calm down, your body needs the energy for healing. And you're welcome. :)
Me: ...
Ok, that was silly. But don't worry...God is used to me by now. Or so I tell myself, anyway.
Seriously, though. It seems like every time that I have tried to whine or complain about being sick, the Holy Spirit has brought me around to seeing something to be thankful for in the middle of it. Do you know what I'm thankful for most of all?
That my hope is in the Lord.
As I was eating my special gluten free, sugar free, dairy free dinner tonight, I thought about everything I have learned in the last three years regarding nutrition. If you've been around me for four seconds during a meal, there's a good chance that you know a morsel of this information.
Tonight, though, as I thought about everything...I laughed. Out loud! Because so much of what I know contradicts itself at some point. I've even asked doctors, "But what if..." and gotten the "Well..." answers. The truth that I came to rest in tonight is that no matter What I Do...God is my healer. He just is. And He will. Heal me, that is.
I'll still do my best to take care of this temple, of course. But only because I have faith that God is working it all together for my good. Standing in my kitchen tonight, I had an amazing peace come over me. And I took another bite of my gluten free, sugar free, dairy free dinner.
Once again, I am so thankful that all my delight is in Him...all of my hope...all of my strength. God gave me that word for this new year. No matter what things await me this year, my hope is in Him. And I feel like having this cold allowed me to know and receive this truth in a much deeper way.
Oh, and...
Happy New Year! :)
Oh, yes. I have a cold. Not a big deal for most folks, but when you have been bordering on the edge of auto-immune disease for a few years, it is definitely a little bit bigger of a deal. Last time I had a cold, it quickly turned into a monstrous ordeal and by the end of it I was fighting not one, but two acute infections. One chance to beat it with antibiotics (which I HATE, but I had no choice) or they were threatening me with hospital time. Luckily, it worked and I kicked that cold. After 6 weeks...
Actually, luck had nothing to do with it. And that's kind of why I am sitting here babbling on and on.
And on.
So, this time that I have been under the weather, I cannot seem to shake the gratitude. That sounds funny, but here's a glimpse inside my brain the last day or so: (scared?)
Me: Ugh. I feel like mangled poo that's been refried in brussel sprout juice.
God: ...
Me: Sorry, God, that was a bit much, huh? I just wish I could feel better. I have things to do! Isn't that just such a glorious thing, God? I have things to do. I can do things. Like, the other day...I was sitting with Aidan and we were talking about his piano playing and he asked me to teach him more songs! I love that he wants me to help and that I can help. Thank you for blessing me with the ability to be here and do things and love people!
God: Calm down, your body needs the energy for healing. And you're welcome. :)
Me: ...
Ok, that was silly. But don't worry...God is used to me by now. Or so I tell myself, anyway.
Seriously, though. It seems like every time that I have tried to whine or complain about being sick, the Holy Spirit has brought me around to seeing something to be thankful for in the middle of it. Do you know what I'm thankful for most of all?
That my hope is in the Lord.
As I was eating my special gluten free, sugar free, dairy free dinner tonight, I thought about everything I have learned in the last three years regarding nutrition. If you've been around me for four seconds during a meal, there's a good chance that you know a morsel of this information.
Tonight, though, as I thought about everything...I laughed. Out loud! Because so much of what I know contradicts itself at some point. I've even asked doctors, "But what if..." and gotten the "Well..." answers. The truth that I came to rest in tonight is that no matter What I Do...God is my healer. He just is. And He will. Heal me, that is.
I'll still do my best to take care of this temple, of course. But only because I have faith that God is working it all together for my good. Standing in my kitchen tonight, I had an amazing peace come over me. And I took another bite of my gluten free, sugar free, dairy free dinner.
Once again, I am so thankful that all my delight is in Him...all of my hope...all of my strength. God gave me that word for this new year. No matter what things await me this year, my hope is in Him. And I feel like having this cold allowed me to know and receive this truth in a much deeper way.
Oh, and...
Happy New Year! :)
10.12.12
Blame
I know. This is a very loaded word.
My kids do this one a lot. It usually goes something like this:
Me: Boys, who made that stream of water in the hallway?
Aidan: That's not water...Duck did it.
Declan: No, Aidan did!
Even as adults, too often we want to take the credit, but never the blame. It takes a lot of humility to be able to accept blame when responsible for something, and even more so when not responsible.
My brother died about 5 years ago. Many of you know the story, but what you may not know is that one of the first things that I did was yell at God. "Why him?" I screamed, "He suffered so much, so young...he fought for our country...he won souls for You...he was just starting to enjoy life. Couldn't You have done something?"
Of course, blame is one of the natural stages of grief. We need someone or something to hold responsible for our hurt; even if deep down we understand that sometimes life just sucks...we still need a scapegoat.
But even though I knew it was normal, I still felt a little guilty that I pointed the finger at the very One who had held me together through it all.
Last week, I had lunch with a mentor. As we sat and talked, conversation turned to a situation where someone going through a hard time had lashed out at those around them. "It's like...instead of blaming God like the rest of us do when something bad happens, this person is blaming those around them," she said.
Whoa! I had a mind-blowing epiphany through that one simple statement.
It seems we all blame God at some point. Why is that? Is it lack of faith? Or lack of knowledge?
Or...what if it is just the simple fact that we need to put blame on Him in order to maintain fellowship? Think about it...if blame is such a natural response to grief and loss in our lives, wouldn't it stand to reason that some aspect of this exchange is necessary for us to get through the trial?
For example:
Us: Why, God? I mean...what were You thinking? I don't even know if I can trust you anymore...
All the while, God knows that these thoughts and feelings are inside of us. Imagine if we had those thoughts and instead of going to Him honestly, we took them and blamed the next person to cross our path. Did anything get accomplished? Did our relationship with the Lord grow? It seems to me that we have only made a bad situation worse by dragging someone else into our funk.
We must have that moment of honesty before God to maintain our fellowship with Him, don't you think? Otherwise, we put the blame on someone else...maybe even multiple someones, denying the real origin of our anger, frustration and ultimately--our hurt. And all this leads to is a whole lot more hurt--and usually not just our own--when we don't deal with our true feelings of who we think is to blame.
Because deep inside, we feel like it was God who let us down.
But, what if we just let it all out to God? Would He really be shocked? Or displeased? If we are honest, and truly want to know the purpose and will of our Father, then our honesty will only help our relationship with Him. As we turn toward Him and release those thoughts, we will find ourselves face to face with the One who will comfort, sustain and mature us through that difficult time. Our anger will begin to subside and we will see that grace has a face...and that the hand of God is extended toward us to show us that grace and not to show us pain.
The God who gave us His Son, gave us everything just to mend our broken bond with Him...what He wants most when we are hurting is to draw us nearer, to have the chance to take our pain on Himself (again) and make us a little more dependent on Him, a little more like Jesus. And that may just require us to throw out all the blame that is inside of us onto Him. I'm confident that He can handle it.
My kids do this one a lot. It usually goes something like this:
Me: Boys, who made that stream of water in the hallway?
Aidan: That's not water...Duck did it.
Declan: No, Aidan did!
Even as adults, too often we want to take the credit, but never the blame. It takes a lot of humility to be able to accept blame when responsible for something, and even more so when not responsible.
My brother died about 5 years ago. Many of you know the story, but what you may not know is that one of the first things that I did was yell at God. "Why him?" I screamed, "He suffered so much, so young...he fought for our country...he won souls for You...he was just starting to enjoy life. Couldn't You have done something?"
Of course, blame is one of the natural stages of grief. We need someone or something to hold responsible for our hurt; even if deep down we understand that sometimes life just sucks...we still need a scapegoat.
But even though I knew it was normal, I still felt a little guilty that I pointed the finger at the very One who had held me together through it all.
Last week, I had lunch with a mentor. As we sat and talked, conversation turned to a situation where someone going through a hard time had lashed out at those around them. "It's like...instead of blaming God like the rest of us do when something bad happens, this person is blaming those around them," she said.
Whoa! I had a mind-blowing epiphany through that one simple statement.
It seems we all blame God at some point. Why is that? Is it lack of faith? Or lack of knowledge?
Or...what if it is just the simple fact that we need to put blame on Him in order to maintain fellowship? Think about it...if blame is such a natural response to grief and loss in our lives, wouldn't it stand to reason that some aspect of this exchange is necessary for us to get through the trial?
For example:
Us: Why, God? I mean...what were You thinking? I don't even know if I can trust you anymore...
All the while, God knows that these thoughts and feelings are inside of us. Imagine if we had those thoughts and instead of going to Him honestly, we took them and blamed the next person to cross our path. Did anything get accomplished? Did our relationship with the Lord grow? It seems to me that we have only made a bad situation worse by dragging someone else into our funk.
We must have that moment of honesty before God to maintain our fellowship with Him, don't you think? Otherwise, we put the blame on someone else...maybe even multiple someones, denying the real origin of our anger, frustration and ultimately--our hurt. And all this leads to is a whole lot more hurt--and usually not just our own--when we don't deal with our true feelings of who we think is to blame.
Because deep inside, we feel like it was God who let us down.
But, what if we just let it all out to God? Would He really be shocked? Or displeased? If we are honest, and truly want to know the purpose and will of our Father, then our honesty will only help our relationship with Him. As we turn toward Him and release those thoughts, we will find ourselves face to face with the One who will comfort, sustain and mature us through that difficult time. Our anger will begin to subside and we will see that grace has a face...and that the hand of God is extended toward us to show us that grace and not to show us pain.
The God who gave us His Son, gave us everything just to mend our broken bond with Him...what He wants most when we are hurting is to draw us nearer, to have the chance to take our pain on Himself (again) and make us a little more dependent on Him, a little more like Jesus. And that may just require us to throw out all the blame that is inside of us onto Him. I'm confident that He can handle it.
11.11.12
Invisible
Do you have any nerdy friends? Wait...if you're reading this, you're probably my friend, so don't answer that.
My nerdy friends and I like to have conversations like:
-If you had to choose a zombie apocalypse team with one Disney character, one character from Harry Potter, one character from Lord of the Rings and one television crime scene investigator, who would they be?
or (my personal favorite)
-If you could have one superpower...what would it be?
Often people are surprised by my answer, but I would definitely choose invisibility. I have many reasons--most of them aren't creepy at all. My biggest reason? I love to people-watch and analyze the way they do things and body language, etc. The only problem with that is if people notice you watching them it can get awkward...
I think there would be lots of benefits to being invisible. You could avoid "that one person." Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. You could check your BO without grossing people out. You could mess with people's minds in sooooo many ways...
Seriously, though...when is invisibility not an awesome thing?!?!
When you don't want to be invisible.
Tonight, as I was shopping in the grocery store, I was almost run down by a shopping cart at least three times. One guy stepped back into me and I had to jump to get out of his way. Twice, I stood waiting for someone to notice I was trying to get through before they moved (slightly) out of the way.
Then, as I was turning onto the chocolate aisle (don't judge me), I couldn't turn in because a woman was blocking the aisle. She even looked at me and still didn't move over. Finally, I said (super sweetly, I swear), "Excuse me!" She moved her cart an infinitesimal degree and I squeezed through. I hate the feeling that people don't see me...or that I'm just in everyone's way wherever I go.
About halfway down the aisle, as I'm praying about this and having an attitude check, I say to God: "You have no idea how it feels...do you even know what it's like to feel invisible?"
Immediately, I stopped in the aisle and began to cry. I had an instant playback of how most of my days go. Oftentimes, when I am busy, I just plow through my day with barely a nod of recognition to the Creator of the universe, the King of kings and the Spirit that dwells within me. Too often, I treat the Holy Trinity like the shoppers in the grocery store treated me tonight (seriously...did they have a meeting?). Like I wasn't even there.
It's so easy, though, isn't it? I mean...He kind of IS invisible to us.
Oh, but when I am intentional and I pursue His truth and teaching...when I bow my heart down to His will and purpose for my life...when I choose to follow Him instead of inform Him of what I plan to do--even in the little things...that is when a seemingly invisible God finds visibility through me.
That is when I look like Christ. That is when He can be seen...through me. And that is when I will gladly choose to be invisible and lay down my 'right' to be seen--so that people will be able to look at me and see only Him.
1.11.12
Courage
One of my favorite moments in The Wizard of Oz is when Dorothy, the Scarecrow and the Tin Man meet the Cowardly Lion and he sings his song about courage. He is definitely my favorite character. See!
I've been through a lot in my life...too much to go into detail here. In the midst of these times, people have always told me that I am brave. A good friend of mine even gave me a Willow Tree angel named Courage when my brother died. Heck, I was even Merida from the Disney movie, Brave, for Halloween this year.
But I don't feel brave today.
Today, I feel very very tired. Almost too tired to keep believing that I'm ever going to feel well again. I feel like a failure. First, because I can't seem to do any of the things that I need to do or want to do. And second, because I can't seem to access the faith that has always come so easily to me.
As I looked to the Word for answers on how to be courageous, I saw a lot of verses telling me to be brave, but none that told me how! So I decided to look up the word courage at www.blueletterbible.org. After browsing through the different definitions, I found this one:
courage: (v.) (2) to adhere, to hold fast to anything
Right now, I don't have the strength or capacity to do much at all (much less roar) but I can adhere to the hope that the Holy Spirit will intercede for me. I can trust that He will strengthen me to believe, to have faith that this is not the end of the story. This is just a growth spurt, and sometimes that comes with growing pains.
As the quote up there says, I will try again tomorrow. I'm so thankful that I will not be alone!
14.10.12
Crossroads, Waiting and Spontaneously Combusting
At a crossroads? This is yet another word that I am hearing in conversations all around me...
I remember during my teen years, my youth pastor would say something like, "Life is a series of choices. From the kind of cereal you're going to eat, to the friends you hang out with, to whether or not you're going to live your life in this moment for God." And he would be right. We have many decisions before us in this life as to how we will choose to respond to the things that come at us.
But here I am, a "grown" woman, and I have come to understand that sometimes...there just isn't a choice for me to make. Sometimes, I don't get to choose what happens in this moment. Sometimes, I am simply at the mercy of my Lord and must trust that He has this moment and me in the palm of His hand.
Maybe you've heard of this. It's referred to as waiting. And I freaking hate it.
I'm sure most that read this are perfectly adept at this precious and saintly virture and this doesn't even apply to you. To be honest, I'm actually a rock star at waiting when it comes to my meal out somewhere or a phone call or in line at the grocery store (I lead a very glamorous life).
My difficulty? Waiting on God for instruction on my next move in an area of my life. I suck at this.
I feel like I am at a crossroads. But instead of just looking down each road and determining where to turn and keep on trucking, I am at a standstill. I am waiting on further directions. While everyone around me knows exactly which turn to make, I sit here wondering how long a human can actually wait on an answer without spontaneously combusting or foaming at the mouth.
This morning I opened up my bible to Psalms. Then Proverbs. Then I considered chucking my bible across the room, but I thought that THIS would probably be the straw that broke the camel's back and sent me to hell. So I didn't. I just slammed it onto the table really hard.
All kidding aside, I was angry. Why don't I have answers? What am I doing here, God? I don't feel well, I don't sleep well, I don't remember things that I want to say or do. I'm stuck here just WAITING.
As I prayed these things to God, the word crossroads came to mind again. So I sat down to write. And I really wish this post had a happy ending, but there is no resolution...yet.
By faith I choose to believe that my answers are coming. I choose to trust that God is in control and has a plan. I choose to rest in my mind and heart, knowing that my worrying and wondering will bring me nothing but more frustration. And I choose to hope that my agonizing wait will speak to someone and maybe tomorrow when God has shown up and taken care of everything like He always does, and I look like a jerk for complaining today, someone will see the glory of God in all of this and trust Him more.
I remember during my teen years, my youth pastor would say something like, "Life is a series of choices. From the kind of cereal you're going to eat, to the friends you hang out with, to whether or not you're going to live your life in this moment for God." And he would be right. We have many decisions before us in this life as to how we will choose to respond to the things that come at us.
But here I am, a "grown" woman, and I have come to understand that sometimes...there just isn't a choice for me to make. Sometimes, I don't get to choose what happens in this moment. Sometimes, I am simply at the mercy of my Lord and must trust that He has this moment and me in the palm of His hand.
Maybe you've heard of this. It's referred to as waiting. And I freaking hate it.
I'm sure most that read this are perfectly adept at this precious and saintly virture and this doesn't even apply to you. To be honest, I'm actually a rock star at waiting when it comes to my meal out somewhere or a phone call or in line at the grocery store (I lead a very glamorous life).
My difficulty? Waiting on God for instruction on my next move in an area of my life. I suck at this.
I feel like I am at a crossroads. But instead of just looking down each road and determining where to turn and keep on trucking, I am at a standstill. I am waiting on further directions. While everyone around me knows exactly which turn to make, I sit here wondering how long a human can actually wait on an answer without spontaneously combusting or foaming at the mouth.
This morning I opened up my bible to Psalms. Then Proverbs. Then I considered chucking my bible across the room, but I thought that THIS would probably be the straw that broke the camel's back and sent me to hell. So I didn't. I just slammed it onto the table really hard.
All kidding aside, I was angry. Why don't I have answers? What am I doing here, God? I don't feel well, I don't sleep well, I don't remember things that I want to say or do. I'm stuck here just WAITING.
As I prayed these things to God, the word crossroads came to mind again. So I sat down to write. And I really wish this post had a happy ending, but there is no resolution...yet.
By faith I choose to believe that my answers are coming. I choose to trust that God is in control and has a plan. I choose to rest in my mind and heart, knowing that my worrying and wondering will bring me nothing but more frustration. And I choose to hope that my agonizing wait will speak to someone and maybe tomorrow when God has shown up and taken care of everything like He always does, and I look like a jerk for complaining today, someone will see the glory of God in all of this and trust Him more.
9.10.12
Two kinds of grace???
It has been a long time coming. Grace has been on my mind and I have asked people everywhere: What is grace to you? How do you define it? How has it changed your life?
Through my research, I stumbled upon the catholic teaching of grace. According to their teaching, there is both common grace ("For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike."-Matt 5:45) and actual, or saving, grace ("For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God."- Eph 2:8), which is unique to those who (through the conviction of the Holy Spirit) come to a place that they receive it personally.
Their claims lead into some teachings that I personally do not agree with, but I can agree with the idea that we are each always being extended some measure of grace, even if we do not choose to abide in it.
But let me back up a little bit:
What is grace, exactly?
I received many excellent definitions recently when I asked this question on facebook. Many said "Grace is God's unmerited favor toward us." And that is what I have always been taught, as well. A few answers were very beautiful and personal examples of God's grace shown to that individual.
But one answer stuck out.
Our pastor spoke on Sunday about leaders who warn the church against "abusing" grace, as if it were something we could run out of--its source depleted as we draw from our "grace account" until nothing remains. He challenged our church to stop looking at grace as if it were something that we withdraw from only when we are bankrupt, but instead see it as something that God adds to our lives no matter where we stand or what we have done or how much we have already been given. No matter how many times we have received grace, we will continue to receive it.
If we are breathing, we're being shown grace.
So how can grace be abused? If we are living our lives by grace, we are living in God's Riches At Christ's Expense. His riches fulfill our every need. His riches are good, perfect, healthy, and bring glory and honor to His name! We can't abuse that! If we are seeking to fulfill our needs outside of that, then we are not living by grace. If we say, "God will forgive me if I...", that is not living by grace!
That is religion.
Think about it. If I walk in grace, my focus is on Christ's expense and example. I am motivated by the price that He. Already. Paid. I can do nothing to acquire that grace, because it is mine if I am His. So the blessings flow and my motivation is to live out of a heart of gratitude for what He has done for me--apart from what I have done to myself. It is truly unconditional.
But if I choose to sin, believing that God will forgive me afterward and all will be well, I do not believe that God's riches are mine already. I believe that what I want or need in that moment must come from what I think is best and that it will fulfill me. And ultimately, I believe that He will not.
Um...doubt, unbelief, mistrust, anxiety, self-sufficiency, idolatry, entitlement. These are not the basis for a healthy relationship.
And yet...grace keeps on giving.
Imagine the possibilities if we were to spend our energy enjoying that grace and extending that grace to others instead of seeking out riches through inadequate means.
We were made for relationship with God. Again and again, He extends His hand to us. Within that hand He holds riches and wonders beyond anything we could imagine. But like a prince who abdicates his throne to buy a ship and become a pirate, we look at God's hand, then look back down and continue digging around in the dirt, looking for something--anything-- to satisfy our longings.
And yet...He continues to extend that hand until we choose to take it.
Going back to the beginning of the blog. Do you really want to settle for a grace that is "common" to all? Or do you want grace that is personal, relational...meeting your needs above and beyond what you could have hoped for?
"For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace." --John 1:16
Through my research, I stumbled upon the catholic teaching of grace. According to their teaching, there is both common grace ("For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike."-Matt 5:45) and actual, or saving, grace ("For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God."- Eph 2:8), which is unique to those who (through the conviction of the Holy Spirit) come to a place that they receive it personally.
Their claims lead into some teachings that I personally do not agree with, but I can agree with the idea that we are each always being extended some measure of grace, even if we do not choose to abide in it.
But let me back up a little bit:
What is grace, exactly?
I received many excellent definitions recently when I asked this question on facebook. Many said "Grace is God's unmerited favor toward us." And that is what I have always been taught, as well. A few answers were very beautiful and personal examples of God's grace shown to that individual.
But one answer stuck out.
Grace is getting what we don't deserve.
G.od's, R.iches, A.t, C.hrist's, E.xpense.
Now, Bill is a friend of the family, but he is also a pastor, so I'm sure that he actually stole this from someone else! ;) Seriously, though...I appreciate his and all of the answers that were provided. Back to Bill's take on grace, I normally find acronyms like this to be terribly cliche and bordering on Velveeta, but in this case...I believe it accurately and appropriately sums up how most define grace.-Bill Sparks
Our pastor spoke on Sunday about leaders who warn the church against "abusing" grace, as if it were something we could run out of--its source depleted as we draw from our "grace account" until nothing remains. He challenged our church to stop looking at grace as if it were something that we withdraw from only when we are bankrupt, but instead see it as something that God adds to our lives no matter where we stand or what we have done or how much we have already been given. No matter how many times we have received grace, we will continue to receive it.
If we are breathing, we're being shown grace.
So how can grace be abused? If we are living our lives by grace, we are living in God's Riches At Christ's Expense. His riches fulfill our every need. His riches are good, perfect, healthy, and bring glory and honor to His name! We can't abuse that! If we are seeking to fulfill our needs outside of that, then we are not living by grace. If we say, "God will forgive me if I...", that is not living by grace!
That is religion.
Think about it. If I walk in grace, my focus is on Christ's expense and example. I am motivated by the price that He. Already. Paid. I can do nothing to acquire that grace, because it is mine if I am His. So the blessings flow and my motivation is to live out of a heart of gratitude for what He has done for me--apart from what I have done to myself. It is truly unconditional.
But if I choose to sin, believing that God will forgive me afterward and all will be well, I do not believe that God's riches are mine already. I believe that what I want or need in that moment must come from what I think is best and that it will fulfill me. And ultimately, I believe that He will not.
Um...doubt, unbelief, mistrust, anxiety, self-sufficiency, idolatry, entitlement. These are not the basis for a healthy relationship.
And yet...grace keeps on giving.
Imagine the possibilities if we were to spend our energy enjoying that grace and extending that grace to others instead of seeking out riches through inadequate means.
We were made for relationship with God. Again and again, He extends His hand to us. Within that hand He holds riches and wonders beyond anything we could imagine. But like a prince who abdicates his throne to buy a ship and become a pirate, we look at God's hand, then look back down and continue digging around in the dirt, looking for something--anything-- to satisfy our longings.
And yet...He continues to extend that hand until we choose to take it.
Going back to the beginning of the blog. Do you really want to settle for a grace that is "common" to all? Or do you want grace that is personal, relational...meeting your needs above and beyond what you could have hoped for?
"For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace." --John 1:16
25.9.12
The Circle of Life
That title may have been a bit misleading. This post isn't about Lion King or New Age ideas, for that matter. Although, I bet you're humming the song now, aren't you? :)
Circles.
In the world around us, they represent many things: unity, infinity, wholeness, the sun...and yes, of course--good ole' mathematics.
I have been thinking a lot about circles lately. I've been seeing them everywhere. Wreaths, matchbox wheels, and in the tea leaves in the bottom of my coffee mug (seriously, though). I guess they are always there, but I have been a little more tuned in to their presence recently. And, of course, I'm curious as to why. Why have they been drawing my attention, lately?
In Christianity, a circle can represent God himself. He has no beginning; He has no end. He is constant, continuous, complete. Unchanging.
But one description of circles via Wikipedia caught my eye:
A circle can be defined as the curve traced out by a point that moves so that its distance from a given point is constant.
As I read that, a picture began to form that I couldn't get out of my head.
What if we, as Christians, are meant to be like the curve of the circle and Jesus, the given point at its center? It would make sense, wouldn't it? We find our center in Him. When we move, it's as though an invisible line keeps us in orbit around Him. That line or radius between Jesus and ourselves is grace which keeps us within circumference by way of the center--Jesus.
But we're not lone points on the end of a radius, or we would simply have a line. There are many points along that circumference, each with its own connection to the center, although the radius itself remains the same. No one is closer or further from the center, or works harder to have connection.
As I thought about this, I thought that if I were a point trying to connect with another point on the exact opposite side of the circle, the point I had the least in common with, the quickest way would be through the center. The radius doubles and there is now a full diameter between me and that person, with Jesus at the center. He becomes the common ground and there is unity.
Blah, blah, blah hippie lady. So what?
What if one of us along that curve wasn't looking toward its center--at Jesus--but instead was looking outside of the circle for something? Clarity, understanding, solidarity. The radius (grace) still keeps us in circumference--that doesn't change, but our vantage point does. We are unable to connect with any points along the curve, much less its center, because everything we see is now outside of the circle.
(go test it out--look at a circle, seriously...it's crazy)
When facing the center of the circle, we can see everything that is within it and our own position makes sense. We can now connect with any points within the circle, because we can see them clearly when our focus is at the center.
What else?
The cool thing about this circle is that it is ever-widening. It isn't an exclusive circle, because anyone can join in. However, the way for a point to find its way into circumference will always be through connection to its center by way of the radius.
Circles.
In the world around us, they represent many things: unity, infinity, wholeness, the sun...and yes, of course--good ole' mathematics.
I have been thinking a lot about circles lately. I've been seeing them everywhere. Wreaths, matchbox wheels, and in the tea leaves in the bottom of my coffee mug (seriously, though). I guess they are always there, but I have been a little more tuned in to their presence recently. And, of course, I'm curious as to why. Why have they been drawing my attention, lately?
In Christianity, a circle can represent God himself. He has no beginning; He has no end. He is constant, continuous, complete. Unchanging.
But one description of circles via Wikipedia caught my eye:
A circle can be defined as the curve traced out by a point that moves so that its distance from a given point is constant.
As I read that, a picture began to form that I couldn't get out of my head.
What if we, as Christians, are meant to be like the curve of the circle and Jesus, the given point at its center? It would make sense, wouldn't it? We find our center in Him. When we move, it's as though an invisible line keeps us in orbit around Him. That line or radius between Jesus and ourselves is grace which keeps us within circumference by way of the center--Jesus.
But we're not lone points on the end of a radius, or we would simply have a line. There are many points along that circumference, each with its own connection to the center, although the radius itself remains the same. No one is closer or further from the center, or works harder to have connection.
As I thought about this, I thought that if I were a point trying to connect with another point on the exact opposite side of the circle, the point I had the least in common with, the quickest way would be through the center. The radius doubles and there is now a full diameter between me and that person, with Jesus at the center. He becomes the common ground and there is unity.
Blah, blah, blah hippie lady. So what?
What if one of us along that curve wasn't looking toward its center--at Jesus--but instead was looking outside of the circle for something? Clarity, understanding, solidarity. The radius (grace) still keeps us in circumference--that doesn't change, but our vantage point does. We are unable to connect with any points along the curve, much less its center, because everything we see is now outside of the circle.
(go test it out--look at a circle, seriously...it's crazy)
When facing the center of the circle, we can see everything that is within it and our own position makes sense. We can now connect with any points within the circle, because we can see them clearly when our focus is at the center.
What else?
The cool thing about this circle is that it is ever-widening. It isn't an exclusive circle, because anyone can join in. However, the way for a point to find its way into circumference will always be through connection to its center by way of the radius.
20.6.12
Got favor?
Favor.
What a loaded word...lately, it has come up in conversation all around me and so of course my antennae began to tune in.
Many online dictionaries contain similar definitions for favor including this one:
n.) Friendly or favorable regard; approval or support.
As I searched www.blueletterbible.org for references to the word 'favor', I found that the majority of mentions were actually found in the Old Testament. I found this odd and then found it odd that I found this odd...
I guess, in my mind, I have associated favor with new covenant living. From many VBS and Awana meetings as a child, it has been drilled into me that grace is God's unmerited favor toward us. But grace is New Testament, right?
Except that as I read verse after verse and story after story, I realized that favor is all over the Old Testament. It became clear to me after awhile, however, that this favor was almost always attached with an action or to the performance of an individual or a group of people.
So, this is where the OT contrasts with the NT. We know that under the new covenant, we no longer must strive for favor in the sight of the Lord through our actions. We have unmerited favor through Jesus, because now we are seen by God not in our fallen condition, but through the covering of Jesus' blood.
But before I skip ahead, it is obvious to me that, even from the beginning, humans have been preoccupied with finding favor in the sight of God (or gods to the pagan mind). All across the world, humanity reaches toward their deities with their offerings of good works, acts of 'righteousness' and charity toward others.
The good news of what we have is clearly the news that we have found acceptance, approval and favor in the sight of our God...not through our striving, but through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
Only...
...do we really live like that? I mean, think about it. How preoccupied are we with seeking others' approval?
To be perfectly honest, I see a lot of people seeking approval and acceptance from fellow humans. I think the root of this is found in the tangible vs. the intangible. I can't see God's approval and favor for me like I can with other people.
What a trap, huh? I'm sure the enemy is all over this one. If he can keep us preoccupied with getting those 'attaboy's, we won't find satisfaction in knowing that the approval we seek is already ours in Christ.
It occurred to me this week that this is the issue at the heart of the Mary and Martha story (Luke 10:38-42). As I reread this passage, I realized that the 'good thing' that Jesus spoke of in regard to Mary was His favor.
He didn't rebuke Martha because she was too busy doing stuff to sit and listen to His words. Well, not JUST for that. He was speaking to her motivation. She was running around doing things desperately seeking approval and acceptance.
The difference is that Mary sat at His feet, not because she was lazy or unconcerned with her responsibilities. She sat at Jesus' feet because she understood that His approval had nothing to do with anything she could do.
This approval trap is dangerous for so many reasons. It keeps us busy doing things that won't get us what we need. It takes our eyes off of the only One who can satisfy those needs. And it often turns our eyes to those who seem to have tons of favor...and we despise that it is theirs and desire for it to be ours.
When Martha went to Jesus with her complaint, she was furious that Mary sat and did nothing and yet seemed to have all the favor. How many times have you seen success or victory in a situation in your life only to have someone else come along and scoff your efforts, steal your 'credit' or slam your character?
Too many times to count for me.
I believe the root of that jealous and covetous behavior is a lack of understanding of God's favor for each of us. There is not a limited amount of favor...there is more than enough to go around. But sadly, some people are so deceived as to how and where to get this favor that they think if someone has what they want that they must do as they do--or worse, that they must out-do what the 'favored' ones do.
My goodness, what kind of world would it be if we actually understood the favor that covers our lives when we are in Christ!!! We wouldn't worry about anything but bringing others into that favor.
The truth is...our favor has nothing to do with what we do and everything to do with what Jesus has done for us. When we really grasp that--first, our need for atonement and second, the fulfillment of that need in Jesus--there is no question as to whether or not we are favored.
We will be convinced of our favor in the sight of the Lord when we are convinced that we can do nothing to get it.
What a loaded word...lately, it has come up in conversation all around me and so of course my antennae began to tune in.
Many online dictionaries contain similar definitions for favor including this one:
n.) Friendly or favorable regard; approval or support.
As I searched www.blueletterbible.org for references to the word 'favor', I found that the majority of mentions were actually found in the Old Testament. I found this odd and then found it odd that I found this odd...
I guess, in my mind, I have associated favor with new covenant living. From many VBS and Awana meetings as a child, it has been drilled into me that grace is God's unmerited favor toward us. But grace is New Testament, right?
Except that as I read verse after verse and story after story, I realized that favor is all over the Old Testament. It became clear to me after awhile, however, that this favor was almost always attached with an action or to the performance of an individual or a group of people.
So, this is where the OT contrasts with the NT. We know that under the new covenant, we no longer must strive for favor in the sight of the Lord through our actions. We have unmerited favor through Jesus, because now we are seen by God not in our fallen condition, but through the covering of Jesus' blood.
But before I skip ahead, it is obvious to me that, even from the beginning, humans have been preoccupied with finding favor in the sight of God (or gods to the pagan mind). All across the world, humanity reaches toward their deities with their offerings of good works, acts of 'righteousness' and charity toward others.
The good news of what we have is clearly the news that we have found acceptance, approval and favor in the sight of our God...not through our striving, but through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
Only...
...do we really live like that? I mean, think about it. How preoccupied are we with seeking others' approval?
To be perfectly honest, I see a lot of people seeking approval and acceptance from fellow humans. I think the root of this is found in the tangible vs. the intangible. I can't see God's approval and favor for me like I can with other people.
What a trap, huh? I'm sure the enemy is all over this one. If he can keep us preoccupied with getting those 'attaboy's, we won't find satisfaction in knowing that the approval we seek is already ours in Christ.
It occurred to me this week that this is the issue at the heart of the Mary and Martha story (Luke 10:38-42). As I reread this passage, I realized that the 'good thing' that Jesus spoke of in regard to Mary was His favor.
He didn't rebuke Martha because she was too busy doing stuff to sit and listen to His words. Well, not JUST for that. He was speaking to her motivation. She was running around doing things desperately seeking approval and acceptance.
The difference is that Mary sat at His feet, not because she was lazy or unconcerned with her responsibilities. She sat at Jesus' feet because she understood that His approval had nothing to do with anything she could do.
This approval trap is dangerous for so many reasons. It keeps us busy doing things that won't get us what we need. It takes our eyes off of the only One who can satisfy those needs. And it often turns our eyes to those who seem to have tons of favor...and we despise that it is theirs and desire for it to be ours.
When Martha went to Jesus with her complaint, she was furious that Mary sat and did nothing and yet seemed to have all the favor. How many times have you seen success or victory in a situation in your life only to have someone else come along and scoff your efforts, steal your 'credit' or slam your character?
Too many times to count for me.
I believe the root of that jealous and covetous behavior is a lack of understanding of God's favor for each of us. There is not a limited amount of favor...there is more than enough to go around. But sadly, some people are so deceived as to how and where to get this favor that they think if someone has what they want that they must do as they do--or worse, that they must out-do what the 'favored' ones do.
My goodness, what kind of world would it be if we actually understood the favor that covers our lives when we are in Christ!!! We wouldn't worry about anything but bringing others into that favor.
The truth is...our favor has nothing to do with what we do and everything to do with what Jesus has done for us. When we really grasp that--first, our need for atonement and second, the fulfillment of that need in Jesus--there is no question as to whether or not we are favored.
We will be convinced of our favor in the sight of the Lord when we are convinced that we can do nothing to get it.
24.5.12
The Promised Land
“Right away, the day after the Passover, they started eating
the produce of that country, un-raised bread and roasted grain. And then no
more manna; the manna stopped. As soon as they started eating food grown in the
land, there was no more manna for the People of Israel. That year they ate from
the crops of Canaan.” –Joshua 5:11-12 (The Message)
I woke up this morning with a strong urge to look up Joshua 5. As I
read it, these two verses stuck out to me. But I could not for the life of me
figure out why. I prayed on it and meditated on it, but nothing came to mind.
I decided to leave it alone for a while, knowing the answer
would come to me, somehow. And it did.
The Passover represented the time in Egypt when the Lord passed over the land, taking the life of every firstborn. When the
children of Israel placed the blood of the lamb across their doorposts, the
Lord passed over that home, allowing the firstborns to live. Then the children of
Israel were freed.This is a clear symbol of the sacrifice of Jesus and how judgment passes over us when we choose to be covered by Jesus’ blood. We are freed from our former lives of captivity to the power of sin and death.
What I find interesting about these two verses in Joshua is
that they had just crossed the Jordan, on their way to take possession of the
Promised Land. God had been fortifying them with manna from heaven—a temporary
provision until they had access to the land that had been promised to them.
Even though they had not fought yet, the day after Passover,
they began to eat of the land of promise.
To me this represents life after the sacrifice of Jesus.
Before, God’s people were being sustained by a heavenly (but limited) source of
life that was provided for each day (representing the law). After Jesus, however, a system
was put in place for sustenance to come from within, through the indwelling of
the Holy Spirit.
This is what the Promised Land offers: the freedom to live
in grace and favor with God and one another.
However, just as the children of Israel did with Canaan, it seems
to me that we take possession of our Promised Land before we ever have to fight
for it. By faith, we accept that Jesus’ sacrifice is enough. God's promise is
enough…that we will be made alive and whole in freedom. And He has clearly provided
completely and perfectly through His Son, Jesus, for that to be so.
So why, then, must we do battle?
I believe this is the action that accompanies our faith. Our
action says, “I believe what God has promised is true…to the point that I will
walk in it and work for it, knowing that the victory was won for me before I
ever see it. Trusting that if I go about fighting the way that God instructs me
to (and not the way that I think makes sense), that I will be victorious in this life.
I’m sure that it didn’t make sense to the Israelites that
they should march around Jericho for days and then shout the last time. But
they obeyed without understanding, and they attained victory that day.
Through it all, God didn’t leave them hungry or thirsty like
they were for the 40 years that they depended on manna for their food. He
sustained them by the bounty and nourishment of the new land that had been
promised, even while they were still taking possession. Just as we no longer depend
on the unfulfilling law to sustain us, but are nourished and fulfilled in
Christ by God’s favor and grace through the ministry of the Holy Spirit as we
take possession of God’s promised kingdom on earth.
11.12.11
Yes, I wrote a blog about faces
Today, I saw a picture online of the back of a random little boy decorating a Christmas tree. He looked so much like my son from behind that I had to do a double take. And here is how my mind works so strangely sometimes...
As I thought about the view of my son from behind, I wondered what it would be like to never see his face again. I'm not your typical "what if-er" out of fear or anxiety toward the unknown. But sometimes I examine how I would react were I to face situations that others face on a daily basis.
I sat thinking about all the parents out there whose children have been taken from them. Kidnapping. Autism. Cancer. Death. There are so many ways to lose a child.
What if I were to lose my Aidan? Would I get an odd feeling everytime I saw another little boy that looked like him from behind? Would I begin to forget what his face looked like?
There is something very reassuring about familiar faces. My kids crack me up sometimes, when I have been in the room with them for an hour--all the while they've ignored me and as soon as I sneak away to be by myself for five minutes (I just want to go to the bathroom ALONE!)...here they come calling for Mama.
And it's never enough if I call out to them that I am there and I'm ok, I just drank a bunch of coffee...they need to see my face. Everytime, without fail, as soon as they see my face, they're good.
Have you ever been in an uncertain situation? --Your world rocked just enough to leave you feeling a little "off" for awhile afterwards. When my brother died, my initial reaction was to stay away from everyone and everything. I just wanted to "lick my wounds", so to speak.
Inevitably, people would come and pay their condolences, bring food, pray with us and also for us when we could not pray. There was something very centering about seeing certain people--key players in my past and present whose very presence alone was reassuring enough to get me through those dark days.
A familiar face can often feel like home to us. Even someone we haven't seen in a long time--once we see them, there's a moment of instant relaxation. Everything is going to be ok.
For some of us, it's a parent or grandparent. For others, a spouse or a child. Pastors, friends and neighbors are often just as much family as the ones we're born into.
But what about God?
I don't know about you, but I have never seen God's face. In Exodus 33:20, God speaks and says: "You cannot see my face; for man shall not see me and live." So, probably if you told me you had seen the face of God, I would not believe you.
If we cannot see His face, then why does He instruct us to seek it?
"When You said, 'Seek My face,' my heart said to You, 'Your face, O LORD, I shall seek.'" -Psalm 27:8.
As fun as it sounds, I can't actually believe that God is trying to engage us in a cosmic game of "peek-a-boo" for the sake of a good laugh.
We know that if we were to see His face in our earthly condition, we would die straightaway. We also know that we are to seek after His face. Is He playing a game with us? Or does He just know us too well?
My kids could care less about me while I'm in the room with them, but as soon as I am inaccessible, they NEED to see me. I can understand that it is the same with our Father.
We are ingrained with a desire to see the face of God. I don't care how you feel about God or what you believe about God...if you had the chance to see His face, you would take it and so would I.
I believe that God has put that very desire inside of us that nothing else can quite fulfill.
Why?
I could come up with a thousand good reasons and you probably could, too. But more importantly, today at least, I'm concerned not with why I'm compelled to but with whether or not I truly seek Him.
And all because of a picture of a little boy that I have nothing to do with! ;)
As I thought about the view of my son from behind, I wondered what it would be like to never see his face again. I'm not your typical "what if-er" out of fear or anxiety toward the unknown. But sometimes I examine how I would react were I to face situations that others face on a daily basis.
I sat thinking about all the parents out there whose children have been taken from them. Kidnapping. Autism. Cancer. Death. There are so many ways to lose a child.
What if I were to lose my Aidan? Would I get an odd feeling everytime I saw another little boy that looked like him from behind? Would I begin to forget what his face looked like?
There is something very reassuring about familiar faces. My kids crack me up sometimes, when I have been in the room with them for an hour--all the while they've ignored me and as soon as I sneak away to be by myself for five minutes (I just want to go to the bathroom ALONE!)...here they come calling for Mama.
And it's never enough if I call out to them that I am there and I'm ok, I just drank a bunch of coffee...they need to see my face. Everytime, without fail, as soon as they see my face, they're good.
Have you ever been in an uncertain situation? --Your world rocked just enough to leave you feeling a little "off" for awhile afterwards. When my brother died, my initial reaction was to stay away from everyone and everything. I just wanted to "lick my wounds", so to speak.
Inevitably, people would come and pay their condolences, bring food, pray with us and also for us when we could not pray. There was something very centering about seeing certain people--key players in my past and present whose very presence alone was reassuring enough to get me through those dark days.
A familiar face can often feel like home to us. Even someone we haven't seen in a long time--once we see them, there's a moment of instant relaxation. Everything is going to be ok.
For some of us, it's a parent or grandparent. For others, a spouse or a child. Pastors, friends and neighbors are often just as much family as the ones we're born into.
But what about God?
I don't know about you, but I have never seen God's face. In Exodus 33:20, God speaks and says: "You cannot see my face; for man shall not see me and live." So, probably if you told me you had seen the face of God, I would not believe you.
If we cannot see His face, then why does He instruct us to seek it?
"When You said, 'Seek My face,' my heart said to You, 'Your face, O LORD, I shall seek.'" -Psalm 27:8.
As fun as it sounds, I can't actually believe that God is trying to engage us in a cosmic game of "peek-a-boo" for the sake of a good laugh.
We know that if we were to see His face in our earthly condition, we would die straightaway. We also know that we are to seek after His face. Is He playing a game with us? Or does He just know us too well?
My kids could care less about me while I'm in the room with them, but as soon as I am inaccessible, they NEED to see me. I can understand that it is the same with our Father.
We are ingrained with a desire to see the face of God. I don't care how you feel about God or what you believe about God...if you had the chance to see His face, you would take it and so would I.
I believe that God has put that very desire inside of us that nothing else can quite fulfill.
Why?
I could come up with a thousand good reasons and you probably could, too. But more importantly, today at least, I'm concerned not with why I'm compelled to but with whether or not I truly seek Him.
And all because of a picture of a little boy that I have nothing to do with! ;)
30.11.11
Occupied...not what you think.
I want to start out by saying that I am not setting myself against anything or anyone in this email. What I am most trying to achieve is a little perspective, for myself primarily, but also for those who want it.
The word "occupy" is defined many different ways. Online, I found several definitions:
1. To engage or employ the mind, energy or attention of.
2. To take or fill up (time, space, etc).
3. To take possession or control of (a place), as by military invasion.
4. To be a resident or tenant of.
5. To take or hold possession.
There is much in the news about a movement of people who are fed up with the way things are and have chosen to do something about it. While I'm sure it is a very good subject to discuss, that is not my topic for today. You're probably a little surprised since it is such a catch phrase right now: occupy.
Actually, my line of thinking has gone somewhere else entirely.
As I sat at the Hillsong Live concert last night, I looked around and saw many believers all together in the same place. I assumed that most, if not all, of us had come because of the great influence that Hillsong has had on individual as well as corporate worship.
While we sat waiting for the music to begin, I turned my heart toward God in prayer. I put my thoughts on Him and what He has done in my life. I thanked Him for His Son and for the freedom I find because of my life in Christ. I did this quietly and privately within the space of my stadium seat.
I looked up, and I was amazed and in awe to see so many with their heads bowed as we waited for the worship time together to begin.
And then I saw the lighted screens.
My heart broke a little bit to see that most of those people with their heads bowed were conducting business on their phones rather than preparing for worship in prayer like I had thought they were doing.
I wondered if we were to gather as many Muslims in such a place for the purpose of worship, would we see the same behavior? What about Buddhists?
As I reflected on all of this, the lights went down and Hillsong began to sing from offstage...a beautiful a cappella version of Come Thou Fount.
And the cameras started going off.
What am I not saying? First of all, I am not condemning anyone. If you're like me at all, you play this game:
"What if their dying grandma couldn't make it and wanted to see a picture?"
-Or-
"What if they're reading scripture from their bible app in order to focus in on worship?"
I get it. You can't judge a book by its cover. But 3 out of 4 people? With sick grannies? I don't know.
I understand that it's just a band. It's not like we all gathered together to see Jesus in the flesh.
But Hillsong is (and always has been) known for leading worship. As soon as the first song, "God is Able" began to play, people sang and raised their hands to God. And I'm sure they truly worshipped.
If they were occupied in worship at that time, what were they occupied in before? How were they engaged? What did their time and energy go toward?
It makes me think of a bathroom on an airplane. The ones that turn to green when available or red when occupied. How many times does our Lord find our hearts in either position? Sometimes I think that we are so busy entertaining ourselves that we don't stop to put our thoughts on Him until it's the proper time.
The proper time?!?!
I know that I do it. I would like to think that I don't do it as much as most people, but I'm probably kidding myself. Besides, does it really even matter how much I do it compared to other people? That's a dumb game that too many of us play. Because the truth of the matter is this:
I fall short.
We fall short.
And the sad thing is...we're occupied with really GOOD things a lot of the time. "Good" things...not "bad" things.
If you live in the city, you've heard the term and seen the effects of "light pollution." The idea is that there's so much ambient lighting that the natural light of the stars and planets cannot be seen.
Is it that way with the busy-ness of our lives? Is there so much noise, entertainment...even the good stuff...that we find it increasingly difficult to be still and quiet and focus our energies and attentions on our Lord? Especially when it's not the "proper" time?
I'm kind of a mess. Without the Holy Spirit's direction I am a BIG mess. So please don't think that I am scolding or reprimanding out of my flesh. I'm only passing along the thoughts that came to me as I reflected on the things that I have seen. The truth is, I'm a little stung by these truths, as well.
How are you occupied? With a lot of good stuff? Light is a good thing, but is there too much of the artificial light distracting you from the real thing? When is the last time that you did something without the purpose (in one way or another) of finding entertainment?
The word "occupy" is defined many different ways. Online, I found several definitions:
1. To engage or employ the mind, energy or attention of.
2. To take or fill up (time, space, etc).
3. To take possession or control of (a place), as by military invasion.
4. To be a resident or tenant of.
5. To take or hold possession.
There is much in the news about a movement of people who are fed up with the way things are and have chosen to do something about it. While I'm sure it is a very good subject to discuss, that is not my topic for today. You're probably a little surprised since it is such a catch phrase right now: occupy.
Actually, my line of thinking has gone somewhere else entirely.
As I sat at the Hillsong Live concert last night, I looked around and saw many believers all together in the same place. I assumed that most, if not all, of us had come because of the great influence that Hillsong has had on individual as well as corporate worship.
While we sat waiting for the music to begin, I turned my heart toward God in prayer. I put my thoughts on Him and what He has done in my life. I thanked Him for His Son and for the freedom I find because of my life in Christ. I did this quietly and privately within the space of my stadium seat.
I looked up, and I was amazed and in awe to see so many with their heads bowed as we waited for the worship time together to begin.
And then I saw the lighted screens.
My heart broke a little bit to see that most of those people with their heads bowed were conducting business on their phones rather than preparing for worship in prayer like I had thought they were doing.
I wondered if we were to gather as many Muslims in such a place for the purpose of worship, would we see the same behavior? What about Buddhists?
As I reflected on all of this, the lights went down and Hillsong began to sing from offstage...a beautiful a cappella version of Come Thou Fount.
And the cameras started going off.
What am I not saying? First of all, I am not condemning anyone. If you're like me at all, you play this game:
"What if their dying grandma couldn't make it and wanted to see a picture?"
-Or-
"What if they're reading scripture from their bible app in order to focus in on worship?"
I get it. You can't judge a book by its cover. But 3 out of 4 people? With sick grannies? I don't know.
I understand that it's just a band. It's not like we all gathered together to see Jesus in the flesh.
But Hillsong is (and always has been) known for leading worship. As soon as the first song, "God is Able" began to play, people sang and raised their hands to God. And I'm sure they truly worshipped.
If they were occupied in worship at that time, what were they occupied in before? How were they engaged? What did their time and energy go toward?
It makes me think of a bathroom on an airplane. The ones that turn to green when available or red when occupied. How many times does our Lord find our hearts in either position? Sometimes I think that we are so busy entertaining ourselves that we don't stop to put our thoughts on Him until it's the proper time.
The proper time?!?!
I know that I do it. I would like to think that I don't do it as much as most people, but I'm probably kidding myself. Besides, does it really even matter how much I do it compared to other people? That's a dumb game that too many of us play. Because the truth of the matter is this:
I fall short.
We fall short.
And the sad thing is...we're occupied with really GOOD things a lot of the time. "Good" things...not "bad" things.
If you live in the city, you've heard the term and seen the effects of "light pollution." The idea is that there's so much ambient lighting that the natural light of the stars and planets cannot be seen.
Is it that way with the busy-ness of our lives? Is there so much noise, entertainment...even the good stuff...that we find it increasingly difficult to be still and quiet and focus our energies and attentions on our Lord? Especially when it's not the "proper" time?
I'm kind of a mess. Without the Holy Spirit's direction I am a BIG mess. So please don't think that I am scolding or reprimanding out of my flesh. I'm only passing along the thoughts that came to me as I reflected on the things that I have seen. The truth is, I'm a little stung by these truths, as well.
How are you occupied? With a lot of good stuff? Light is a good thing, but is there too much of the artificial light distracting you from the real thing? When is the last time that you did something without the purpose (in one way or another) of finding entertainment?
18.6.11
"If I cannot see you, Lord; then surely, Lord, you cannot see me..."
I love these words to one of my favorite songs of all time ("Romans" by Jennifer Knapp).
So, last time I blogged was not only over a year ago, but I was also dealing with a similar circumstance. It's like there's some kind of switch that goes off and suddenly I'm hearing the same word everywhere. The word for this week?
Vulnerable.
I've heard this word over the course of a couple of weeks on TV, Radio and from the people that I happen to encounter in my everyday life.
What does it mean to be vulnerable?
Why should I be?
Who cares if I am?
Merriam-Webster defines vulnerable as 1) capable of being physically or emotionally wounded, and 2) open to attack or damage.
If that's what it means to be vulnerable, then why in the world would I choose to be?
In the game of bridge, the term vulnerable takes on a different meaning. According to Merriam-Webster, to be vulnerable in contract bridge makes you: liable to increased penalties, but entitled to increased bonuses after winning a game.
I know almost nothing about bridge (that's a card game, right?), but I can certainly understand the value of a gamble that pays off. But what if it doesn't?
In Luke 18: 15-17, people were bringing even their infants to Jesus and the disciples rebuked them for it. Jesus called them back, saying: "Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all."
Instead of agreeing that His work was much too important, He exhorted everyone who was listening to have the approach of a child.
And who is more vulnerable in this world than a baby?
Helpless, unable to defend themselves, not much to lose...
To be vulnerable before God is truly to take off our own blinders to our condition and see ourselves for how we truly are: helpless, without a defense, nothing to lose.
And Jesus says that this is the only way to enter into the kingdom of God. That's a very good reason for such a gamble.
Except it isn't really a gamble at all. Just before the statement above, Jesus says in verse 16: "Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."
Belongs. Already.
So, if I'm promised everything, and I have nothing to lose...I would say that the payoff far exceeds the risk, wouldn't you?
So, last time I blogged was not only over a year ago, but I was also dealing with a similar circumstance. It's like there's some kind of switch that goes off and suddenly I'm hearing the same word everywhere. The word for this week?
Vulnerable.
I've heard this word over the course of a couple of weeks on TV, Radio and from the people that I happen to encounter in my everyday life.
What does it mean to be vulnerable?
Why should I be?
Who cares if I am?
Merriam-Webster defines vulnerable as 1) capable of being physically or emotionally wounded, and 2) open to attack or damage.
If that's what it means to be vulnerable, then why in the world would I choose to be?
In the game of bridge, the term vulnerable takes on a different meaning. According to Merriam-Webster, to be vulnerable in contract bridge makes you: liable to increased penalties, but entitled to increased bonuses after winning a game.
I know almost nothing about bridge (that's a card game, right?), but I can certainly understand the value of a gamble that pays off. But what if it doesn't?
In Luke 18: 15-17, people were bringing even their infants to Jesus and the disciples rebuked them for it. Jesus called them back, saying: "Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all."
Instead of agreeing that His work was much too important, He exhorted everyone who was listening to have the approach of a child.
And who is more vulnerable in this world than a baby?
Helpless, unable to defend themselves, not much to lose...
To be vulnerable before God is truly to take off our own blinders to our condition and see ourselves for how we truly are: helpless, without a defense, nothing to lose.
And Jesus says that this is the only way to enter into the kingdom of God. That's a very good reason for such a gamble.
Except it isn't really a gamble at all. Just before the statement above, Jesus says in verse 16: "Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."
Belongs. Already.
So, if I'm promised everything, and I have nothing to lose...I would say that the payoff far exceeds the risk, wouldn't you?
21.3.10
Slow and steady wins the race.
Well, most stories or fables don't begin with a moral, but the famed fable behind this moral is not the point of my story. Still with me?
Do you ever have one of those weeks where you keep hearing the same "catch phrase" or platitude? This is kind of like that, but not exactly.
This week, I keep waking up with these six words on my mind. Which of course makes me ask the question: why?
I haven't heard this story or phrase in a long time. So, I asked the Lord to show me what the reason might be for Him putting this on my heart. I went to Wikipedia and read the fable. Nothing popped out at me. Hmm. So, I turned to the Word and just happened to open to Hebrews 12:1-
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." (ESV)
Surprisingly, with "the race" being on my mind, the words that stuck out to me weren't "run the race." Actually, what jumped off the page were the words "with endurance."
Through research in my Greek dictionary of the NT, I learned that the word was initially translated as patience (KJV). When I found the Greek word, I was surprised to see that it literally means: "a remaining under", "patient enduring" and my favorite--"cheerful (or hopeful) endurance" and usually refers to enduring life's trials.
So what does this all mean to me?
First, I wanted to know how Webster defined the word "endure." What I got: "to come to a knowledge of (something) by living through it."
Nice. Now I'm getting somewhere.
Because this is where I begin to understand why I've been so confused in my race, lately. God has been shining light into my life and glaringly revealing many impurities that are both embarassing and unnerving.
They say beauty is skin deep, but I know that ugly reaches all the way down to the soul.
That ugliness is my flesh, my sin nature, who I am without Christ. How I long to be rid of it! But lately, even though I feel like the blinders have been taken off to my condition, I feel as though I've made no progess in my race. I keep asking God to refine me and snap me out of this "me-focused" way of life, but...nothing. Well, seemingly nothing.
I now am starting to understand that I'm gaining knowledge by going through this. But I haven't attained that wisdom yet. I am enduring. I am remaining under that knowledge until I am through this. It is beyond my reach. It is above my understanding. I am under it, for now. Got it.
What I also know is that while I am waiting, I need to maintain an attitude of hope, to cheerfully endure, so as not to shift the focus to my suffering (as a pharisee might have), but to His grace.
2 Corinthians 12:9-
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (ESV)
So, I boast. I am weak and without understanding, but thank goodness that His power is made perfect in my weakness. Oh Jesus, let your power rest on me.
Slowly, steadily I run this race. The thing is, Christ has already won the race set before me. So, the journey can and should be cheerful and hopeful. The victory is already mine in Christ!
Do you ever have one of those weeks where you keep hearing the same "catch phrase" or platitude? This is kind of like that, but not exactly.
This week, I keep waking up with these six words on my mind. Which of course makes me ask the question: why?
I haven't heard this story or phrase in a long time. So, I asked the Lord to show me what the reason might be for Him putting this on my heart. I went to Wikipedia and read the fable. Nothing popped out at me. Hmm. So, I turned to the Word and just happened to open to Hebrews 12:1-
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." (ESV)
Surprisingly, with "the race" being on my mind, the words that stuck out to me weren't "run the race." Actually, what jumped off the page were the words "with endurance."
Through research in my Greek dictionary of the NT, I learned that the word was initially translated as patience (KJV). When I found the Greek word, I was surprised to see that it literally means: "a remaining under", "patient enduring" and my favorite--"cheerful (or hopeful) endurance" and usually refers to enduring life's trials.
So what does this all mean to me?
First, I wanted to know how Webster defined the word "endure." What I got: "to come to a knowledge of (something) by living through it."
Nice. Now I'm getting somewhere.
Because this is where I begin to understand why I've been so confused in my race, lately. God has been shining light into my life and glaringly revealing many impurities that are both embarassing and unnerving.
They say beauty is skin deep, but I know that ugly reaches all the way down to the soul.
That ugliness is my flesh, my sin nature, who I am without Christ. How I long to be rid of it! But lately, even though I feel like the blinders have been taken off to my condition, I feel as though I've made no progess in my race. I keep asking God to refine me and snap me out of this "me-focused" way of life, but...nothing. Well, seemingly nothing.
I now am starting to understand that I'm gaining knowledge by going through this. But I haven't attained that wisdom yet. I am enduring. I am remaining under that knowledge until I am through this. It is beyond my reach. It is above my understanding. I am under it, for now. Got it.
What I also know is that while I am waiting, I need to maintain an attitude of hope, to cheerfully endure, so as not to shift the focus to my suffering (as a pharisee might have), but to His grace.
2 Corinthians 12:9-
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (ESV)
So, I boast. I am weak and without understanding, but thank goodness that His power is made perfect in my weakness. Oh Jesus, let your power rest on me.
Slowly, steadily I run this race. The thing is, Christ has already won the race set before me. So, the journey can and should be cheerful and hopeful. The victory is already mine in Christ!
My journey.
Let me begin by saying this: I have no illusions of "new" revelation from the Lord regarding His word. In fact, I am quite convinced that there truly is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9). I do, however, believe that at times in our lives there are truths that are more relevant to us at a specific point on our journey--like a refreshing drink of cool water to a weary runner.
Sometimes, we only hear what we are ready and willing to hear.
Still, the words of our testimonies assist each other in our daily ability to overcome the dark lies of the enemy (Revelation 12:11). This is so important because when the light of truth is spoken into the lives of believers, and we receive it...we are set free.
It is for this reason that I share what God has been taking me through and teaching me in my personal life. I am nothing apart from who I am in Christ (Romans 6:8). So I humbly begin what I hope to be a journal of growth and a testimony of a freed prisoner learning what it means to be free and how to freely live.
Sometimes, we only hear what we are ready and willing to hear.
Still, the words of our testimonies assist each other in our daily ability to overcome the dark lies of the enemy (Revelation 12:11). This is so important because when the light of truth is spoken into the lives of believers, and we receive it...we are set free.
It is for this reason that I share what God has been taking me through and teaching me in my personal life. I am nothing apart from who I am in Christ (Romans 6:8). So I humbly begin what I hope to be a journal of growth and a testimony of a freed prisoner learning what it means to be free and how to freely live.
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