Blame

I know. This is a very loaded word.

My kids do this one a lot. It usually goes something like this:

Me: Boys, who made that stream of water in the hallway?
Aidan: That's not water...Duck did it.
Declan: No, Aidan did!

Even as adults, too often we want to take the credit, but never the blame. It takes a lot of humility to be able to accept blame when responsible for something, and even more so when not responsible.

My brother died about 5 years ago. Many of you know the story, but what you may not know is that one of the first things that I did was yell at God. "Why him?" I screamed, "He suffered so much, so young...he fought for our country...he won souls for You...he was just starting to enjoy life. Couldn't You have done something?"

Of course, blame is one of the natural stages of grief. We need someone or something to hold responsible for our hurt; even if deep down we understand that sometimes life just sucks...we still need a scapegoat.

But even though I knew it was normal, I still felt a little guilty that I pointed the finger at the very One who had held me together through it all.

Last week, I had lunch with a mentor. As we sat and talked, conversation turned to a situation where someone going through a hard time had lashed out at those around them. "It's like...instead of blaming God like the rest of us do when something bad happens, this person is blaming those around them," she said.

Whoa! I had a mind-blowing epiphany through that one simple statement.

It seems we all blame God at some point. Why is that? Is it lack of faith? Or lack of knowledge?

Or...what if it is just the simple fact that we need to put blame on Him in order to maintain fellowship? Think about it...if blame is such a natural response to grief and loss in our lives, wouldn't it stand to reason that some aspect of this exchange is necessary for us to get through the trial?

For example:
Us: Why, God? I mean...what were You thinking? I don't even know if I can trust you anymore...

All the while, God knows that these thoughts and feelings are inside of us. Imagine if we had those thoughts and instead of going to Him honestly, we took them and blamed the next person to cross our path. Did anything get accomplished? Did our relationship with the Lord grow? It seems to me that we have only made a bad situation worse by dragging someone else into our funk.

We must have that moment of honesty before God to maintain our fellowship with Him, don't you think? Otherwise, we put the blame on someone else...maybe even multiple someones, denying the real origin of our anger, frustration and ultimately--our hurt. And all this leads to is a whole lot more hurt--and usually not just our own--when we don't deal with our true feelings of who we think is to blame.

Because deep inside, we feel like it was God who let us down.

But, what if we just let it all out to God? Would He really be shocked? Or displeased? If we are honest, and truly want to know the purpose and will of our Father, then our honesty will only help our relationship with Him. As we turn toward Him and release those thoughts, we will find ourselves face to face with the One who will comfort, sustain and mature us through that difficult time. Our anger will begin to subside and we will see that grace has a face...and that the hand of God is extended toward us to show us that grace and not to show us pain.

The God who gave us His Son, gave us everything just to mend our broken bond with Him...what He wants most when we are hurting is to draw us nearer, to have the chance to take our pain on Himself (again) and make us a little more dependent on Him, a little more like Jesus. And that may just require us to throw out all the blame that is inside of us onto Him. I'm confident that He can handle it.

Crossroads, Waiting and Spontaneously Combusting

At a crossroads? This is yet another word that I am hearing in conversations all around me...

I remember during my teen years, my youth pastor would say something like, "Life is a series of choices. From the kind of cereal you're going to eat, to the friends you hang out with, to whether or not you're going to live your life in this moment for God." And he would be right. We have many decisions before us in this life as to how we will choose to respond to the things that come at us.

But here I am, a "grown" woman, and I have come to understand that sometimes...there just isn't a choice for me to make. Sometimes, I don't get to choose what happens in this moment. Sometimes, I am simply at the mercy of my Lord and must trust that He has this moment and me in the palm of His hand.

Maybe you've heard of this. It's referred to as waiting. And I freaking hate it.

I'm sure most that read this are perfectly adept at this precious and saintly virture and this doesn't even apply to you. To be honest, I'm actually a rock star at waiting when it comes to my meal out somewhere or a phone call or in line at the grocery store (I lead a very glamorous life).

My difficulty? Waiting on God for instruction on my next move in an area of my life. I suck at this.

I feel like I am at a crossroads. But instead of just looking down each road and determining where to turn and keep on trucking, I am at a standstill. I am waiting on further directions. While everyone around me knows exactly which turn to make, I sit here wondering how long a human can actually wait on an answer without spontaneously combusting or foaming at the mouth.

This morning I opened up my bible to Psalms. Then Proverbs. Then I considered chucking my bible across the room, but I thought that THIS would probably be the straw that broke the camel's back and sent me to hell. So I didn't. I just slammed it onto the table really hard.

All kidding aside, I was angry. Why don't I have answers? What am I doing here, God? I don't feel well, I don't sleep well, I don't remember things that I want to say or do. I'm stuck here just WAITING.

As I prayed these things to God, the word crossroads came to mind again. So I sat down to write. And I really wish this post had a happy ending, but there is no resolution...yet.

By faith I choose to believe that my answers are coming. I choose to trust that God is in control and has a plan. I choose to rest in my mind and heart, knowing that my worrying and wondering will bring me nothing but more frustration. And I choose to hope that my agonizing wait will speak to someone and maybe tomorrow when God has shown up and taken care of everything like He always does, and I look like a jerk for complaining today, someone will see the glory of God in all of this and trust Him more.

The Promised Land

“Right away, the day after the Passover, they started eating the produce of that country, un-raised bread and roasted grain. And then no more manna; the manna stopped. As soon as they started eating food grown in the land, there was no more manna for the People of Israel. That year they ate from the crops of Canaan.” –Joshua 5:11-12 (The Message)

I woke up  this morning with a strong urge to look up Joshua 5. As I read it, these two verses stuck out to me. But I could not for the life of me figure out why. I prayed on it and meditated on it, but nothing came to mind.

I decided to leave it alone for a while, knowing the answer would come to me, somehow. And it did.

The Passover represented the time in Egypt when the Lord passed over the land, taking the life of every firstborn. When the children of Israel placed the blood of the lamb across their doorposts, the Lord passed over that home, allowing the firstborns to live. Then the children of Israel were freed.

This is a clear symbol of the sacrifice of Jesus and how judgment passes over us when we choose to be covered by Jesus’ blood. We are freed from our former lives of captivity to the power of sin and death.

What I find interesting about these two verses in Joshua is that they had just crossed the Jordan, on their way to take possession of the Promised Land. God had been fortifying them with manna from heaven—a temporary provision until they had access to the land that had been promised to them.

Even though they had not fought yet, the day after Passover, they began to eat of the land of promise.

To me this represents life after the sacrifice of Jesus. Before, God’s people were being sustained by a heavenly (but limited) source of life that was provided for each day (representing the law). After Jesus, however, a system was put in place for sustenance to come from within, through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

This is what the Promised Land offers: the freedom to live in grace and favor with God and one another.

However, just as the children of Israel did with Canaan, it seems to me that we take possession of our Promised Land before we ever have to fight for it. By faith, we accept that Jesus’ sacrifice is enough. God's promise is enough…that we will be made alive and whole in freedom. And He has clearly provided completely and perfectly through His Son, Jesus, for that to be so.

So why, then, must we do battle?

I believe this is the action that accompanies our faith. Our action says, “I believe what God has promised is true…to the point that I will walk in it and work for it, knowing that the victory was won for me before I ever see it. Trusting that if I go about fighting the way that God instructs me to (and not the way that I think makes sense), that I will be victorious in this life.

I’m sure that it didn’t make sense to the Israelites that they should march around Jericho for days and then shout the last time. But they obeyed without understanding, and they attained victory that day.

Through it all, God didn’t leave them hungry or thirsty like they were for the 40 years that they depended on manna for their food. He sustained them by the bounty and nourishment of the new land that had been promised, even while they were still taking possession. Just as we no longer depend on the unfulfilling law to sustain us, but are nourished and fulfilled in Christ by God’s favor and grace through the ministry of the Holy Spirit as we take possession of God’s promised kingdom on earth.